"Pat Burrell Is My Biological Father" Tee

Say hello to your new favorite t-shirt: the Bella Canvas 3001. Once you put this sucker on, you're gonna be like a fat kid at the pool 'cause you'll just never wanna take it off. This best-selling unisex tee is everything you've dreamed of and more - soft, lightweight, just the right amount of stretch, and flattering for all. So comfortable that I've told my family to bury me in one of these jawns once rooting for the Sixers eventually kills me.

1. Designed by real Philadelphians after a few rounds of Yuengling to inspire creativity
2. 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (heathers are a cotton / poly blend) for a pre-shrunk fabric so soft and lightweight we challenge you not to hold it against your cheek whilst saying, “ooooohhhh… aaahhhhhhh…”
3. Unisex, retail fit that feels just like a hug from Mike Schmidt's mustache
4. Classic crewneck style because v-necks are more of a douchey NYC / L.A. thing
5. Printed with certified, eco-friendly ink (unlike our competitors whose inks are loaded with pesticides, asbestos, and plutonium).
6. Phillygoat branded logo on left sleeve so you know it's not a cheap knock-off
7. Definitely not made in a sweatshop, but we are looking into ways we can force the children of Cowboys fans into cheap labor

We print all of our designs using only the highest quality inks and finest threads in the game so that your shirt is both eye-popping and long-lasting. Follow these instructions carefully to keep that jawn looking like new for as long as possible:

1. Machine wash cold, inside-out on a gentle cycle with like colors
2. Use a mild detergent
3. Use non-chlorine bleach only when necessary
4. Do not use any fabric softeners
5. Do not dry-clean
6. Hang-dry works best to avoid shrinkage, but can be tumble-dried on a low cycle as needed
7. If ironing, use cool iron inside-out. Do not iron the print.
8. Do not attempt to eat, snort, or use as a suppository