Artisinally crafted using Mike Schmidt's mustache hairs | 30-Day Free Returns | Satisfaction Guaranteed (*Except Cowboys Fans)


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  • "Joe Carter Ruined My Childhood" Tee

    Black Heather
    Heather Midnight Navy
    Heather True Royal
    Athletic Heather
    Heather Dust
    • October 23, 1993. That was the day Joe Carter made my twelve-year-old-self cry uncontrollably for hours on end by dashing the World Series title hopes of one of my all-time favorite Phillies teams with a game winning 3-run homer off of Wild Thing Mitch Williams. From that moment on I stopped believing in Santa Claus, traded my Little League glove in for a paper route, and realized what a cold, cruel world it is in which we live.

      Phuck Joe Carter for stealing my innocence and ruining the childhood of an entire generation of young Phillies fans born in the early 80s.

      See more jawns like this in our Philly Baseball Collection.

      *This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it may take us up to 1-2 weeks to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions and for supporting small businesses.


    • Say hello to your new favorite t-shirt: the Bella Canvas 3001. Once you put this sucker on, you're gonna be like a fat kid at the pool 'cause you'll just never wanna take it off. This best-selling unisex tee is everything you've dreamed of and more - soft, lightweight, just the right amount of stretch, and flattering for all. So comfortable that I've told my family to bury me in one of these jawns once rooting for the Sixers eventually kills me.

      1. Designed by real Philadelphians after a few rounds of Yuengling to inspire creativity
      2. 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (heathers are a cotton / poly blend) for a pre-shrunk fabric so soft and lightweight we challenge you not to hold it against your cheek whilst saying, “ooooohhhh… aaahhhhhhh…”
      3. Unisex, retail fit that feels just like a hug from Mike Schmidt's mustache
      4. Classic crewneck style because v-necks are more of a douchey NYC / L.A. thing
      5. Printed with certified, eco-friendly ink (unlike our competitors whose inks are loaded with pesticides, asbestos, and plutonium).
      6. Phillygoat branded logo on left sleeve so you know it's not a cheap knock-off
      7. Definitely not made in a sweatshop, but we are looking into ways we can force the children of Cowboys fans into cheap labor
    • We print all of our designs using only the highest quality inks and finest threads in the game so that your shirt is both eye-popping and long-lasting. Follow these instructions carefully to keep that jawn looking like new for as long as possible:

      1. Machine wash cold, inside-out on a gentle cycle with like colors
      2. Use a mild detergent
      3. Use non-chlorine bleach only when necessary
      4. Do not use any fabric softeners
      5. Do not dry-clean
      6. Hang-dry works best to avoid shrinkage, but can be tumble-dried on a low cycle as needed
      7. If ironing, use cool iron inside-out. Do not iron the print.
      8. Do not attempt to eat, snort, or use as a suppository

    Customer Reviews

    Based on 21 reviews
    Melissa Tornetta
    Crowd pleaser

    I got the shirt for my husband for Father’s Day and he wore it to the game on June 18. He was approached by at least a dozen people complementing the shirt. It’s fits great and is soft.

    jjim grugan
    Joe Carter Ruined my Childhood

    The shirt ran smaller than I thought. Contacted about a return and it was processed immediately. New shirt fits perfectly.

    Christine Malloy

    "Joe Carter Ruined My Childhood" Tee

    Timothy Moffitt


    Patrick Lafferty
    Awesome shirt

    Great quality and service as always