Congress Cuts Funding for Federal Donuts

Republicans argued that continued funding was unwarranted for a highly profitable operation whose menu consists of only two items.

Washington– A House panel approved a measure today that cuts funding for Federal Donuts, the chicken-and-donuts joint once considered a shining example of big government gone right.

The Republican-led House Appropriations Committee voted 40-11 to reduce grants to FedNuts. Democrats on the panel fought unsuccessfully to boost its funding by nearly $2 billion, but Republicans argued that such a spending increase was unwarranted for a highly profitable operation whose menu consists of only two items.

“The donut industrial complex has grown dangerously large,” Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) told reporters Wednesday. “If there is any hope for our nation’s future, we have join together and bust big ‘nut on a national stage.”

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie clashed with his party on the issue, releasing a Yelp review stating that “FedNuts is like a second home to me in a way that libraries and national parks never could be. I’d take an Old-Fashioned Glazed over Old Faithful any day of the week.”

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